Be Sure to Do It!

     Be sure to do it! the neon church sign winked at me. It was probably referring to Jesus or something biblical, but my mind was already racing, taken in by the sign.

     Sure. Small children hear that word constantly. Be sure to clean the fish tank. Be sure to finish your vegetables.  Be sure to always wear fresh underwear.

     By the time we are grown, we are overwhelmed with things to be sure of. Sometimes, we even lose sight of the simple definition. Sure: free from doubt as to the reliability, character, or action of something.

     With all there is to be certain of, F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote his daughter a letter detailing her duties and what shouldn't be worried about. He said:

             Don't worry about popular opinion.
             Don't worry about dolls
             Don't worry about the past
             Don't worry about the future
             Don't worry about growing up
             Don't worry about anybody getting ahead of you
             Don't worry about triumph
             Don't worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
             Don't worry about mosquitos
             Don't worry about flies
             Don't worry about insects in general
             Don't worry about parents
             Don't worry about boys
             Don't worry about disappointments
             Don't worry about pleasures
             Don't worry about satisfactions.

     He also had a list of things to think about, or be certain of.  The most prominent one being what am I really aiming at?

 

     Then there is the sure, the positive, the yes. The enthusiastic reply to a request for adventure.  With our things not to worry about in mind, we also must go with confidence towards what we are aiming for. 

     Because if it's not worth being certain of, then what's it worth? 

     Are you sure?

Things I don't Believe in

There are very few words I do not believe in. Forever is one of them. But you already knew that.

Perhaps it is wishful thinking, so the dark side of forever doesn't exist.  I'm not entirely sure, but the certainty and weight behind a forever is daunting to me.

But you know that sinking feeling you get right when you realize you are dead wrong?  The "Jaws" music. The uncomfortable hiccup in your heart. I think I dislike 'forever' because it reminds me how little time we have to really accomplish anything. I had nothing but time to improve myself.  Lay in wait while constructing a "fool proof" plan in my head for how things were going to work.  And it was delusional, but optimistic. And we were on that path together, even though we were thousands of miles apart. Actually I was thinking of you today, realizing how much of who I am is a direct result of you.  A simple thank you does not suffice.

But here comes that music.  For the first time I realize that forever might actually exist.  Not the ever-after forever, but the dark side I was avoiding. I might not ever see you again.

Forever is a long time.

But it is still not long enough to forget you. 

That's why I don't believe in forever.

And I don't believe in goodbye.

Sign of Silence

As great composers know, sometimes silence is more beautiful than sound. A well timed silence can ring out loud.

Thank you, horoscope for today. As I read this, I started to believe my horoscope writer is falling out of touch. My day was incredibly noisy, and in every way it had to be.

But as I sat here and thought, my mind went to the deeper meaning. I have recently experienced a person I could spend the rest of my life with. Easily enjoyable, like Sunday comics. Timing wasn't right, however.  So my breath of hope got taken from me. And I have waited, more patiently than I have ever been. Sometimes great things take great efforts. I have nothing but AND only time to lose. And my silence is swallowing my minutes. But I take it in stride. This horoscope points that I should be quiet, and learn how to wait, even after it feels like I have waited so long.

On a greater scale, though, the universe has already told me that my loud spunky-ness is all right. It gave me more opportunities this year than I have had in the past 3 put together. So I will be quietly composing my symphony of plans in my head. And when my time comes to play, it will ring forth more beautiful than the most golden of silences. Obviously it is not complete yet. But when it is, watch out Mozart. Here I come.