Friday, March 23, 2012

A Sign of Social Graces

aka It Never Would Have Worked Out Anyway.

Oz is going through some health issues.  And rather than start dating the girl who knows a thing or two about health issues and how to lighten the mood, he decided to recover solo.  (Either option is respectable, I just happen to prefer option number one.)

In the mean time, I pursued an unexcitable yet enjoyable fellow from one of my classes (mistake #1).  Until his phone broke. Or was stolen. Or probably something not exciting nor enjoyable.  For those wondering, he wasn't merely avoiding me and missing my calls.  The phone was off; it never rang.  Straight to voicemail.  For over a week long.

But being rather bold and brassy, and not wanting to let the start of something good just fall away due to technological difficulties, I sent him a quick email (mistake #2).  The email itself was rather neutral.  And without a second thought I hit send.  But I sent it through my university's web-interface.  Which in turn and despite several checks to make sure everything was in order, sent it to the entire class.

Yep. Horrified. I felt a lot like that little guy on the sign. 

Until I realized that it could have been worse.  And that I have done worse.

I have run into a stop sign on my bicycle. That landed me in crutches and a leg brace for a few weeks.  During that time everyone came up and asked, "How did that happen?!" And I had to admit that I hit a stop sign. On my bike.

That was a nightmare and a grounds for mild social mocking.

So my email mishap is mild compared to bicycling.  At least the email will blow over in less than a week due to college students' short attention spans in conjunction with the start of a new quarter on Monday.

So if I don't hear from him, it is a sign that it never would have worked out anyway.  And I definitely need someone brave enough to handle my [lack of] social graces.  Maybe someone who hit a barn while riding a horse?

Oh, and maybe it is a sign I should try harder for Oz....

Friday, March 9, 2012

A Non-linear Sign

"You need to figure out what it is you want to do. You just have to."
My friend insisted, and told me that I need to focus on one thing.
"You don't have a path El.  You just aren't linear."

And believe it or not, that really hurt. And then I got frustrated.
So here is my response, for all to see.

I don't want to be linear. I don't want to be defined by data points coexisting in a line-like pattern.  I don't want someone to be able to look at me and think they have the full story. I don't ever want to discredit the signs and the events that are the "statistical outliers"of my life.  They happened for a reason. And who I am to discredit the improbable and the signs?

Further more, the most powerful forces of our universe aren't linear.  Sound WAVES...Light WAVES...Heat WAVES. Even water comes in waves (although I don't think that last one counts).

Are cosmic forces not enough proof for you that linear lifestyles aren't necessarily superior?

Fine. Then look at your heart.  Ever watch a heart monitor? The beat comes in waves.  If your heart decides to go linear, you flat-line. You quite literally cease to exist. And why on earth would you want to cease to exist?

So I will take my circus work.  My change in degrees, three times and counting.  My new experiences. My wavy mind and beating heart.  I do have a strong focus on my end goals.  But I will never avoid the journey it takes to get there.

And I will never be linear.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Sign of Can

I was recently reminded how much we say no.
No you can't have that cookie.
No you can't be a ballerina.
No you can't set off that firework.

And then there are the hidden no's, in the form of shouldn't.
No you shouldn't get a puppy.
No you shouldn't wear your hair like that.
No you shouldn't believe that.

And they are always followed by the worst and weakest of reasons, like: it's too fattening, too hard, too dangerous, too expensive, too silly.


And for far TOO LONG we have quietly agreed.  Put back the cookie. Put down the firecracker. Cut our losses and walk away.

But today is different. Because guess what? YOU CAN. If you want to. YOU CAN. So go do it.

They don't know how strong or capable you really are.
(Do you even know?)

It is time to test your limits.  Time to know you can. You should.  And once you get going, more people understand than not.

So here is a whole slew of gold stars for you, because you CAN!