Saturday, July 30, 2011

Opera Lessons

I have found that there is nothing quite as scintillating a night on the opera. Dressed to the nines. Expensive fancy chocolate. Timeless story lines.  Outrageous costumes and set. Truly unbelievable music. All for a student-rush ticket of $12. Last night was....
When faced with arduous trails,  the hero Tamino implored, "When will I get what I desire?"
The response was, "Soon, or never."

Of course, in operatic standards, that "never" could be slightly dramatic. But opera does mirror true human behavior.

When will I get what I desire? Soon, or never. How remarkably true is that? It is self-fulfilling. If I don't receive some kind of sign soon, I believe I never will and thus will change what I desire, or change my course of action to achieve it.  The beautiful thing about that, though, is a sign comes either way.  We are constantly regulated by our environment, through punishment and reward, encouragement and discouragement, on our path to achieve that great desire. We may feel lost or like we are wasting time, but that is just another lesson on our path to Soon or Never.

When it all comes down to it, Soon or Never is really all we have. Will this day ever end? Soon or Never. Will he ever call? Soon or Never. Will I ever graduate?? Soon or Never. And as long as we keep ourselves open to the signs, to the feedback, the answer will sooner be sooner than never.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

You Need a Margarita with Dinner

Today was, to put it lightly, miserable. Let me enlighten you, play by play.

8:33AM.  turn off alarm, feel miserable, remembers how ex handled the news last night about me dating like a champ, while i imploded when i found out he was over me. lay in bed until second alarm sounds.

8:55AM. turn off second alarm. set a third alarm. Can't miss work today, today I lose a disciplinary point because of one month of perfect attendence.

9:16 wake up, still feeling miserable. put on wrinkly shirt. grab an apple, too pathetic to muster up the energy to pack anything else.

9:37AM leave home, empty stomach.

9:43AM Starbucks Drive-Thru is closed. (WTF!) i actually have to get out of my vehicle for coffee? and i can't find my coupon.

9:43AM Lady in black SUV almost hits me.

9:47-10:40AM Stuck in traffic for no apparent reason. Averaged 25mph whole way to work. took an hour to get to work. so much for that month of perfect attendence. i could have stayed home in bed....

10:40AM work at the aquarium. somewhat decent.

12:29PM 'ellen go to shark petting area.'

12:29PM-2:45PM shark petting area inudated by 3500 kids in day camps. two hours non stop repition. two fingers. wait til their eyes pass. don't pull on any fins or tails. just use two fingers. show me what two fingers looks like. yes they can bite but not when we only use two fingers and follow all the rules...

2:20PM lost day camper comes to me, can't find his group. they were getting ready to leave and insisted they had everybody even after my supervisor asked them. poor day camper was reunited with camp, although we don't know if he made it home safely...

2:46PM teetering on mental meltdown, finally relieved from shark petting area, shaking and close to tears from how overwhelming it is trying to prevent people from doing stupid things. eats icecream for lunch.

2:51PM guy i tried to get to ask me out a few months back asks me out.

3:00PM received texts from my crush, whom i am currently dating, saying if you want to talk to me tonight at practice don't bank on it, my family will be there, i'll be busy, etc. so you might not want to come. his family doesn't knew we are dating, seeing as i am the first would be serious relationship he has ever had, and is struggling to break the news to them. so text translation: don't come to practice because my family is going to be there.

3:01-6:44PM life sorta coasts along. still teetering on the edge though. but thankfully i get off work early.

6:45PM realize i had been asked out, drove the rest of the way home frustrated again.

7:27PM mom burns half of my tuna melt.

7:31PM reads horoscope "you'll naturally gravitate toward stability, elegance, and excellence," but hears "you'll naturally gravitate toward stability, elegance, and excellence.. too bad there is none to be found. And like an asteriod, you'll get sucked into something else's gravitational oull, and head for certain destruction."

the only redeeming sign comes in the form of a jimmy buffet tune.... It all says you need is a margarita with dinner.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Signs It Could Be Love (prelude)

There are many signs out there that point to whether what you are feeling is truly love or not.

This particular one comes from a conversation I had with someone I care deeply about.
I could really fall for you I said frankly.

You mean you haven't already?! Because it seems to me that you already have fallen, down a cliff, off of another smaller cliff, down a canyon into a chasm!
he said as he smiled (and kissed me)

...when you know you are falling, but only feel like you are know it is love.     

Saturday, July 16, 2011


You might just be the sign someone else is looking for....

My Not So Ordinary 2011

This has honestly been the best year of my life so far. And on paper, it’s impressive, but also surprising. I think grown-ups call it ‘a learning experience,’
My first New Year’s in 5 years that wasn’t miserable

Learned how to eat fire, then learned the sense not to

Played a principle part in CCM’s Symphony Orchestra, with burnt fingers

Celebrated a One Year Anniversary with a job that was as unforeseeable as it is enjoyable
Celebrated a my first year of service to the SPCA

Recognized my worth and quit what was worth quitting
Applied for on a whim and received a great job, in hopes of boosting my career as a biologist

Only to change majors to Psychology, courtesy of a wake up call (thank you Chemistry 103)

Attend my first Alt. Rock concert, lost my hearing and my voice, and learned I’ll never be an Alt. Rock girl through and through

Wrote 113 pages (because I promised to write until it sucked less) despite not feeling like I could follow through or finish anything

Sent poetry in to be published (keep your fingers crossed!)

Learned to read palms and not to rely on the future, because nothing is for certain

Enjoyed 2 operas, the dress I got to wear to both, and the new close friends I went with
Shot a shot gun and learned to how to throw knives, because it’s ok to be more than what meets the eye

Went on an incredible first date (over three months in the making) and

Learned what (and who) is worth waiting for

Gave for the sake of Giving for 29 days and watched my world changed

Received a gift of 6 expensive concert tickets, gave away 5, and was upgraded beyond believing (<3 josh groban!!!!), which taught me

Being loud is a good thing, because you never know until you ask (the worst they can say is yes)

And anything worth doing or experiencing takes time and a lot of faith.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Maybe You Need a Map

Say you are browsing the Welcome Center.
Oh, maps!
These neatly folded squares indicate all sorts of things: Map of Ohio, Map of Historic Kentucky, Map of Haunted Greater Cincinnati, Map of Restuarants, Map of Local Points of Interest. You take the first and the third, just in case.

You look even closer and see more maps. Map to _________.  What would your dream map say?

Mine would say Map to Successful Relationship with B.C. (....and would probably include a bottle of asprin because this incredible guy frustrates me to the point of headaches)

If given the map of your dreams, would you take it?  There are a lot of times maps really come in handy. When there are detours, for example. Or when electronic directions take you no where (like swimming across the ocean to get from China to Taiwan, or to a dead end street while insisting you go forward).

I can see my hand reaching forward....and taking only the bottle of asprin. Because anything worth doing takes time. And when all else fails, follow directions.

When all else fails, then and only then, maybe you need a map.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

To Remind You It Matters

When I was in the middle of my first giving round (see link on left) I got discouraged, because no matter how much I gave, none of it seemed to matter. In response to my frustration, a friend told me this story, which I later found out is adapted from Loren Eiseley.

A man was walking along the ocean, and observed another person on the beach as well.  As he watched, every couple of feet the man repeatedly bent down, and threw something into the ocean. 

Puzzled, the man asked, "What are you doing?" 

He simply replied, "Throwing the star fish back into the ocean." And picked yet another one up, and tossed it into the waves.

"Why?" asked the man, still puzzled.

"Because the tide is low, and they will dry out and die otherwise."

The man watched him throw a few more starfish and became exasperated. "This beach goes on for miles! And there are hundreds of star fish per mile! You can't possibly save enough to make a difference!"

In response, he picked up another star fish and tossed it into the ocean.  "It made a difference to that one."


Sunday, July 10, 2011

It's All Going Down the Drain.

Sometimes you can just feel it, all slipping down the drain. Sometimes that is your sign. Sometimes it is the aftermath. In an attempt to be upbeat, you can always say to yourself, "Well, everything must be emptied in order to be filled again."


I tend to believe these kind of signs are more tuned into self-awareness. Examining what is being lost.  Maybe it is something you have been losing for twenty years.  Maybe it is something you have no control over, and yet feel it is all due to you.

Maybe it is the realization that no matter how good you are, how much you overcompensate, how hard you try, when you don't fit the bill, you simply don't fit. You can perservere, you can attempt to shape shift again, or you can evolve.  Regardless, sometimes you just have to learn to live when it's all going down the drain.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Signs You Have Made a Friend....

Signs you have made a friend:

in Kindergarten: they share their cookies with you when your mom packed you carrots for snacks. they 
whisper to you during nap time. they share their crayons with you, even the good colors. they never tell on you. they come over for play dates and love your pets. you do silly things together because no one else understands how cool you are. they sit next to you on the bus. they hold your hand.

in Elementary School: they chase you around outside.  they yell and laugh at you but it's okay because you yell and laugh at them. there are no personal boundaries between you.  you have a secret handshake. you break all the rules together. you play together. you just met this morning.

at your Work Place: you talk about things like movies and restaurant reviews. you occasionally crack a joke between one another. you get drinks after work. you say good morning and good bye to each other.

in a Relationship: (see "kindergarten")

with your In-Laws: (see "work place")

in a Circus Company: (see "elementary school") and add a flying trapeze and other elements of

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Signs that Would Be Helpful if Applied to Real Life (1)

Today I found out that there are a few signs that I would like to magically appear in my life.  This one is a keeper.
Ah, yes. Low fuel. It could indicate you are about to run out of steam, out of energy, at your emotional capacity. Which would clearly indicate the need for a nap. And a snack. And to re-exam where you are going. Re-fueling allows you to stop and wash the windows. Check the map. Talk to locals. Visit the welcome center. Sometimes re-fueling can be a whole new adventure of itself!

But we don't have a "low fuel" sign that lights up just above our belly buttons. So we don't know. We tend to keep putzing along until everything comes to a screeching halt, collapses, and/or catches on fire. And then our adventures take a back seat. And we feel rather down on ourselves for letting things get that far.

The moral of the story is to pay attention to your low-fuel indicator.  Sometimes it is better to NOT be the hero, and take a minute for yourself. Re-fuel, then test your limits.  And pay attention.