Monday, August 29, 2011

Be Sure to Do It!

     Be sure to do it! the neon church sign winked at me. It was probably referring to Jesus or something biblical, but my mind was already racing, taken in by the sign.

     Sure. Small children hear that word constantly. Be sure to clean the fish tank. Be sure to finish your vegetables.  Be sure to always wear fresh underwear.

     By the time we are grown, we are overwhelmed with things to be sure of. Sometimes, we even lose sight of the simple definition. Sure: free from doubt as to the reliability, character, or action of something.

     With all there is to be certain of, F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote his daughter a letter detailing her duties and what shouldn't be worried about. He said:

             Don't worry about popular opinion.
             Don't worry about dolls
             Don't worry about the past
             Don't worry about the future
             Don't worry about growing up
             Don't worry about anybody getting ahead of you
             Don't worry about triumph
             Don't worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
             Don't worry about mosquitos
             Don't worry about flies
             Don't worry about insects in general
             Don't worry about parents
             Don't worry about boys
             Don't worry about disappointments
             Don't worry about pleasures
             Don't worry about satisfactions.

     He also had a list of things to think about, or be certain of.  The most prominent one being what am I really aiming at?
     Then there is the sure, the positive, the yes. The enthusiastic reply to a request for adventure.  With our things not to worry about in mind, we also must go with confidence towards what we are aiming for. 

     Because if it's not worth being certain of, then what's it worth? 
     Are you sure?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Things I don't Believe in

There are very few words I do not believe in. Forever is one of them. But you already knew that.

Perhaps it is wishful thinking, so the dark side of forever doesn't exist.  I'm not entirely sure, but the certainty and weight behind a forever is daunting to me.

But you know that sinking feeling you get right when you realize you are dead wrong?  The "Jaws" music. The uncomfortable hiccup in your heart. I think I dislike 'forever' because it reminds me how little time we have to really accomplish anything. I had nothing but time to improve myself.  Lay in wait while constructing a "fool proof" plan in my head for how things were going to work.  And it was delusional, but optimistic. And we were on that path together, even though we were thousands of miles apart. Actually I was thinking of you today, realizing how much of who I am is a direct result of you.  A simple thank you does not suffice.

But here comes that music.  For the first time I realize that forever might actually exist.  Not the ever-after forever, but the dark side I was avoiding. I might not ever see you again.

Forever is a long time.
But it is still not long enough to forget you. 

That's why I don't believe in forever.
And I don't believe in goodbye.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Sign of Silence

As great composers know, sometimes silence is more beautiful than sound. A well timed silence can ring out loud.

Thank you, horoscope for today. As I read this, I started to believe my horoscope writer is falling out of touch. My day was incredibly noisy, and in every way it had to be.

But as I sat here and thought, my mind went to the deeper meaning. I have recently experienced a person I could spend the rest of my life with. Easily enjoyable, like Sunday comics. Timing wasn't right, however.  So my breath of hope got taken from me. And I have waited, more patiently than I have ever been. Sometimes great things take great efforts. I have nothing but AND only time to lose. And my silence is swallowing my minutes. But I take it in stride. This horoscope points that I should be quiet, and learn how to wait, even after it feels like I have waited so long.

On a greater scale, though, the universe has already told me that my loud spunky-ness is all right. It gave me more opportunities this year than I have had in the past 3 put together. So I will be quietly composing my symphony of plans in my head. And when my time comes to play, it will ring forth more beautiful than the most golden of silences. Obviously it is not complete yet. But when it is, watch out Mozart. Here I come.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

It's All In the Hands

A lot of people take their hands for granted, not even truly noticing them until the unfortunate hang nail or splinter befalls them.  I am no such person though.

In one of my jobs I got to learn palm reading. Strangely enough it is not all hocus-pocus I predict something vaguely good will happen in your future type of stuff. We don't read the future because we make our own future. We can tell you about yourself. And the lines on your hands change as your personality grows and changes. Bizarre and wonderful. And since I have loved observing people's hands.

Also, eight months ago I received massive second-degree burns on my left hand. Being a hands on person as well as a flutist proved a difficulty (never mind my stubbornly independent streak). 

But through all of the burn ointment and gauze, even after the healing was through I discovered a truth. When everything is burning I don't need someone to make my world better, I just need someone to hold my hand until it is. There is so much strength behind our hands. Supportive, protective, telling, strong, our first sensory experience. 
Josh Groban sings, "You see these hands, they're millions strong, they are yours now. Hold on love, we're still going down, hold now we're still fighting." All hands together, we can accomplish anything. With hands united, we do.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Signs for Something More

For those of you who are aware, I have a thing for peanut butter and jelly. Creamy peanut butter, grape jelly ( ONLY grape jelly). Serves as a great snack, meal, and/or problem solver. Today I have done quite a lot of reflection, with a quick sandwich in hand, and it brought forth a pleasant memory. And with it, a sign.

Once upon a time, I was hanging out with one of my best friends, with whom I share the most unusual relationship. As always, the long conversations turn to music, our latest favorites and newest sensations. We take turns sharing Youtube videos, singing, and dancing like loons together. The songs, much like our relationship, skirt the fine line of hopeless looming romance and positive hopefulness. But that is fine either way.

It was my turn. I was playing a song about strength, perseverance, and the power of emotional unseen things. And it has this fantastic drum solo in the middle, perfect for dancing with wild abandon. After listening to a few lines, my friend spoke up. "Are you hungry?" "Sure, what do you have to eat?" "What about quesadillas? (wait for it....) peanut butter and jelly quesadillas?" It was a molten explosion of flavor in my mouth, amazing. But the rest of the story goes, the tortillas were too large for the quesadilla maker, but we used them anyway. And mid-dance the jelly bubbles over and starts to burn. (The quesadillas were saved though, don't worry!) This didn't happen last time, my friend explained, but they had smaller quesadillas last time.
Maybe we are all like those oversized quesadillas sometimes. Because there are so many times in our lives that we are meant for so much more, but do not take the time to realize it. Maybe we were meant for crepes, or chicken fried rice burritos or other novelties. Just because we are oversized and work well enough doesn't mean we have reached our fullest potential. Until that fit is perfect, don't forget that you were meant for something more.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Something for Everyone

Sometimes we all need a sign, proof that there is something (or someone) for everyone.

So go on you egg and ketchup eaters, you kangaroo fanatics, glue sniffers, cat fanciers, snow globe collectors, toe sock wearers, and hard rock romancers. 

I give you proof:

There truly is something for everyone.

Monday, August 1, 2011

A Sign You Are Smarter Than You Know

Among my friends, I am known for a listening heart with good advice. Something I consistently say about relationships and the right people goes as follows.

You are on a path. This path is both literal and metaphorical. It is for you only. You have a long distance to cover on your path. And there are many things on it just for you. The right person will not pull you off of this path. The second you stray off of your path to chase someone else, you are missing whatever was coming your way. Everything you do, believe in, feel and think, those are the things that make up your path. And one day, through all you do, you will attract someone to your side. And your path becomes their path, and their path becomes your path. Don't stray from your path. The right person will find you through everything you are.

And I believe this, because every time I put a toe off of my path, I get whacked on the nose by the universe. I don't trust that my path will bring me what I need.  But it does. And it provides me with strength. 

I also believe this because I could not have accomplished what I have by straying from who I am, and what I am meant to do. That is powerful. That is the path. My path.