Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Things I don't Believe in
There are very few words I do not believe in. Forever is one of them. But you already knew that.
Perhaps it is wishful thinking, so the dark side of forever doesn't exist. I'm not entirely sure, but the certainty and weight behind a forever is daunting to me.
But you know that sinking feeling you get right when you realize you are dead wrong? The "Jaws" music. The uncomfortable hiccup in your heart. I think I dislike 'forever' because it reminds me how little time we have to really accomplish anything. I had nothing but time to improve myself. Lay in wait while constructing a "fool proof" plan in my head for how things were going to work. And it was delusional, but optimistic. And we were on that path together, even though we were thousands of miles apart. Actually I was thinking of you today, realizing how much of who I am is a direct result of you. A simple thank you does not suffice.
But here comes that music. For the first time I realize that forever might actually exist. Not the ever-after forever, but the dark side I was avoiding. I might not ever see you again.